Shame is a deep, painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the awareness of wrong or foolish behavior. It often involves negative self-evaluation and can lead to feelings of worthlessness and isolation. In emotional intelligence, understanding shame helps us recognize when we feel deficient or unworthy, which can be crucial for personal growth. According to the Geneva Emotion Wheel, shame has a valence of -0.7 (highly negative) and an arousal level of 0.3 (medium), indicating it is a distressing but not necessarily highly energizing emotion.

Using Inner

Using Inner, you can track patterns of shame by journaling about when and why it arises. Pay attention to physical sensations like tightness in the chest or a sinking feeling in the stomach. Explore regulation strategies such as self-compassion exercises or talking to a trusted friend to process your feelings.

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Common Triggers

→Public failure or mistakes
→Being criticized or reprimanded
→Perceived moral transgressions
→Comparing oneself to others and falling short
→Revealing personal secrets
→Feeling exposed or vulnerable in social situations

Physical Sensations

•Tightness in the chest
•Flushing of the face
•Sinking feeling in the stomach
•Avoiding eye contact
•Feeling heavy or weighed down
•Nausea

Working with This Emotion

Recognize

Shame can be recognized by physical sensations like a tight chest, flushed face, and a sinking feeling in the stomach. Facial expressions might include avoiding eye contact or looking down. Behavioral signs include withdrawing from social interactions or becoming overly defensive.

Understand

Common causes of shame include public failures, perceived moral transgressions, and being criticized by others. It can also arise from internal standards that are not met, leading to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

Label

To precisely label shame, focus on the deep sense of personal failure and worthlessness. Distinguish it from guilt (feeling bad about a specific action) and embarrassment (feeling uncomfortable in a social situation).

Express

Healthy ways to express shame include acknowledging your feelings to a trusted friend or therapist, practicing self-compassion, and engaging in activities that boost your self-esteem.

Regulate

Strategies to regulate shame include mindfulness practices, cognitive restructuring to challenge negative self-talk, and seeking support from loved ones. Grounding techniques like deep breathing can also help manage the physical sensations.

Practical Examples